I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
