how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
