i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
