Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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