Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
