I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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