her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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