Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
