I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
