I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
