apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
