So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
