You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
