you would pick up someone in the library
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
