true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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