It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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