I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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