so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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