I got chris browned last night
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
