My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
