I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
