I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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