Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
