why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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