She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
