So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Still dying that you shit outside
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
