Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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