Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
