Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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