yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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