cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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