I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
