If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
