My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
