Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
