i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
