At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
