I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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