What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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