____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
