He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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