You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
