dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
