Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
