In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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