and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
