you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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