He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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