She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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