if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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