no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
