I need help removing her.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
