You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
